What Will Be the Headline

When a man in Macon, Ga. , came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands. A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal.


　　The hero, however, told the journalist that he wasn't from Macon.


　　Well, then, the reporter said, the headline will probably say, 'Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog. '


　　Actually, the man said, I'm from Connecticut.


　　In that case, the reporter said in a huff, the headline will read ,'Yankee Kills Family Pet.'

Whose Dog Was the Smartest

Four friends were arguing over whose dog was the smartest. The first man, an engineer, called to his dog, T Square, show your stuff. The dog trotted over to a desk, pulled out a paper and pencil, and drew a perfect triangle.


　　The next guy, an accountant, called to his dog, Slide Rule, go ahead. The dog went to the kitchen, nibbled opened a bag of cookies and divided the contents into four equal piles.


　　The next man, a chemist, beckoned his dog, Beaker, to show what he could do. The dog went to the fridge, took out a quart of milk and poured out exactly eighty ounces into a measuring cup.


　　The last man was a government worker. Coffee Break, he hollered to his dog, go to it. With that, the dog jumped to his feet, soiled the paper, ate the cookies and drank the milk.

Where Do You Want These Blinds

A drill sergeant ordered two young female recruits to paint a room in the barracks, stressing that they not get any paint on their uniforms. Doubtful they could avoid ruining their clothes, the women locked the door, stripped naked and painted in nude. After about an hour they heard a knock at the door . Who is it? asked one of the women.


　　Blind man, came the reply.


　　Seeing no harm in letting a blind man in, they opened the door.


　　Wow, what knockouts! the man said with surprise. Now, where do you want these blinds?

Im Going to Let My Chauffeur Answer it

A famous scientist was on his way to yet another lecture when his chauffeur offered an idea. Hey, boss, I've heard your speech many times, I bet I could deliver it and give you the night off.


　　sounds great, the scientist said.


　　When they got to the auditorium, the scientist put on the chauffeur's hat and settled in the back row. The chauffeur walked to the lectern and delivered the speech. Afterward he asked if there were any questions.


　　Yes, said one processor.Then he launched into a highly technical question.


　　The chauffeur was panic-stricken for a moment but quickly recovered. That's an easy one, he replied, so easy, I'm going to let my chauffeur answer it.

Were on That Mountain Over There

My son and I became lost while hiking high in the southern Rockies. I immediately went to work with my map and compass to determine where we had gone off course. My son, an electronics engineer, produced from his pack a hand-held Global Positioning System receiver.


　　I know exactly where we are, he proudly announced, after carefully locking the instrument on four satellites high above the earth and checking his map. We're on that mountain there!

An Adult Decision

The year before my son turned 18, he constantly pleaded to be allowed to a tattoo, but I refused to sign permission for one. He argued that soon he would be a man and he should be able to make adult decisions. Sure enough, a few days after his 18th birthday, he come home with a tattoo. Although I was not happy about this, I was curious to see what symbol of masculinity he had chosen. There, on his shoulder, was a two-inch image of Mickey Mouse.

What Grade

Kristin,, my 17-year-old niece, had just gotten her driver's license and offered to take her mom's car to the gas station. She pulled up to the full-service pumps, and the attendant asked, What grade, miss?


　　Eleventh! Kristin replied.

The Attraction of the Map

Mr. Smith taught English at a school .At the beginning of his lesson, he liked to have one of his students give a report on any subject. When it was Jack's turn, he told his audience about his elder brother who was a local worker. But during the report, his eyes were staring at the world map on the wall all the time. Mr. Smith knew that Jack didn't look at the audience because he was nervous. He said to Jack jokingly, We can see you miss your brother very much. But is he 0. K. now in South America?

Ill Keep it on My Floor

My 16-year-old son, Jeff, is a boy any parent would be proud of --until you see the floor of his room, covered with layers of clothes, magazines and sports equipment.


　　Recently I accompanied Jeff to the credit union where he opened up his first bank account. While the credit officer was processing the paper work, I told Jeff he needed a safe, accessible place to store his passbook. I know, Mom, he replied. I' 11 keep it on my floor.


Notes


　　(1) be proud of 为……感到自豪They were Very proud of their success.他们对他们的成功感到非常骄傲。


　　(2) layer n.层


　　(3) equipment n.设备


　　(4) accompany v.陪伴


　　(5) credit union 信用联社


　　(6) account n.（银行）账户


　　(7) process v.办理


　　(8) accessible adj.可接近的，可用的